During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
