You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
