so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
