my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
