im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
