I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You took a bar mat shot.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
