I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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