You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize