Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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