end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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