why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
