She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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