O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dicks are not precious.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
