You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
