You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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