Little spoons don't ask big questions
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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