Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
