wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
