This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
