forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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