Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
