it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
