Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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