Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
