First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize