so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
