doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Randomize
