When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
