my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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