took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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