i just wanna soil my oats bro
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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