Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
