i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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