whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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