I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize