i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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