I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
