the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
