I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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