I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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