My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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