Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
