I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
