3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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