why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
