As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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