What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
