he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
