I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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