i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
