Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
