he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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