I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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