suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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