i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
