Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
