The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
