I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
