I think I died a long time ago.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
