I wish my penis had an off switch
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
