The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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