She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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