Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
