Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
