Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
