The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
