Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
