I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
