I should be sponsored by Trojan
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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