u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
false alarm, still single
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
