jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
