Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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