forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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