she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize