i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
