i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
