i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there was a trapeze. enough said
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
