Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
