It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
