i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
