We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
