Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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