My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As shirtless as possible
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
