toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
