you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
