At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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