I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
