okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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