I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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