my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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