Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
vagina is talking i cant
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
