I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drunk is not a location!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
