I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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