I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
