Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
