I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
