She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
