what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
