you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i now understand why vodka
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
