I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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