I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
