mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wear drunk well.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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