Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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