Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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