last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
