I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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