marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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