if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
