just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
