did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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