if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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