i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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