Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
