I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
