It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
