1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
